She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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