I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize