please come you make the beer taste better
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
