just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
