Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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