sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
