he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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