When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
