There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Panties = found
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