she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
