I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
