So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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