I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
