You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
false alarm, still single
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
