writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
