Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
nutella sex= disaster
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
