Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
