I saw his package. It spoke to me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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