His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
