I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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