____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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