I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Damn victory sex feels great
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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