So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
