i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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