I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
