i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
