Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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