When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
