My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
