I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
