We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
