I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
