Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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