Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
