i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
