It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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