Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
