No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize