I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
