roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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