When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
no you cant smoke seaweed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
