I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So many bounce houses so little time
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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