Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
