True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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