cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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