Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
