so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize