he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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