she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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