Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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