He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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