god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
