Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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