my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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