The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
