I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
