last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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