Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
