Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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