Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
