ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Boobs are out for the taking
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
