Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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