took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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