Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
