maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
