Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
