I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
