ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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