we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
They are going to name an STD after you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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