People in love make me want to vomit
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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