I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
