Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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